So, The Jonas Brothers are kind of a big deal. Perhaps you already knew this. Up until Sunday, I did not. I knew that Miley Cyrus was a cosmic phenomenon, and that she was currently embroiled in a very important dancing feud (I was informed of this by a person older than me, which was probably depressing for both of us). But, The Jonas Brothers. I really had nothing. I knew about their presence on television, that they starred in
Camp Rock, the shoddy knock-off of
High School Musical, and that they dressed like kids with really good style if they were only allowed to shop at J.C. Penny. What I didn't know until I attended the tenth annual Teen Choice Awards on Sunday in Los Angeles is that the Jonas Brothers are The Beatles (without the talent). Teenage girls, upon sight of Brothers Jonas, scream uncontrollably. My brain still hurts, both from the screams and my attempts to figure out why some teen sensations become inexplicably popular.
Awards shows have always interested me, and it was with much enthusiasm that I attended the festivities (thank you, FOX). The Teen Choice Awards would not have been my first choice, but it probably ended up being more of an experience than a more formal and stuffy proper awards show likely would have been. The moment we arrived, it became clear that the Teen Choice Awards (a show that I've never seen) was an entirely different beast than the Oscars or Emmys or Golden Globes. First off, instead of alcohol and food, there was soda and candy.
I was allowed to watch the red carpet festivities from the Neutrogena green room, also sponsored by Dr. Pepper. Dr. Pepper products and candy were your only options – needless to say, the tweens and teens were the focal point of the whole event. And, never has a red carpet been so teen-friendly. Kids lined the carpet, sons and daughters of studio executives, contest winners, go-getters, all screaming and demanding autographs. The lucky ones were allowed access to the candy and soda, the unlucky ones left baking in the dry, ninety degree heat.
The biggest screams I witnessed came for Chris Brown, Rihanna's beau and human dance machine, but that's only because I went inside before the Brothers Jonas or Ms. Montana traipsed the red.
Zac Efron and
Vanessa Hudgens are still lighting it up, despite weighing a combined 112 pounds. The biggest thing you don't see on TV is the army of handlers and publicists these celebrities have at their sides at all times. There's not much thinking that has to be done by celebrities over the course of a given day, as they appear to generally just follow orders.
That's part of the reason that, in terms of red carpet performance, I have to give props to two people: Will Smith and Scarlett Johansson. Some celebrities sign a bunch of autographs, some don't, some actually care, some don't, some care but are actually shy...whatever. I find it difficult to blame anyone for not acting like a saint during public appearances. No matter what you do, seemingly, someone is going to come away angry that you didn't sign their t-shirt or pose for a picture with you. Nevertheless, Will and Scarlett were quite impressive.
In the green room, we were at the tail end of the red carpet, near the entrance to the amphitheater. The paparazzi and TV cameras weren't filming the stars at our spot; it was lined, for about fifteen yards on either side, entirely with teenage fans, all with pens and shirts and cameras. Celebrities could walk by, ignoring the fans if they wanted to, which is exactly what a few did. Most took a couple pictures here and there then ducked inside, usually at the urging of their handlers. Will Smith showed up with his two kids, was animated and amiable, taking pictures with everyone he could. At one point, remembering that the paparazzi were in the sun and clearly parched, he walked right past me into the Neutrogena room, grabbed a bucket of bottled waters, and brought it to the thirsty cameramen. Sure, it bordered on shameless pandering, but considering that Will Smith might be the biggest movie star in the world and doesn't have to prove anything to anyone, I found it heartening.
Johannson was utterly surprising in her humility. She showed up without any managers or handlers, and walked the red carpet alone. She had a genuinely good time, and signed literally every autograph she could, posed for every picture, and probably spent twice as much time with all the teenage fans as anyone else we saw walk by. Not that I had a poor outlook on Scarlett before (I've always liked her), but it was still unexpected behavior from a big star.
As for the show itself, all I can remember is the screaming. Good lord, the screaming. High-pitched and constant, it makes you understand why The Beatles stopped touring after a couple years. Even before the show, when any star entered the theater and walked to their seat, screams would begin near the source, and then the whole crowd would join in, despite the fact that most of these teenage girls had no idea who they were screaming for. It was a difficult concept for me to wrap my head around. A sociologist or psychiatrist might be better equipped to explain such a phenomenon (“Teen/Tween Star Scream Syndrome?”). Pre-show highlights included Niecy Nash and Will Smith performing verses of “Rapper's Delight” to warm up the crowd.
Miley Cyrus was the host. The show began with Miley performing one of her new singles. Miley is in her early teens, but is one of those freakily well-spoken showbiz veterans. She's a pro, and it's frightening. I'm not sure what I was expecting from her (the only time I'd ever heard one of her songs was on last season of American Idol), but my expectations weren't high. All in all, I was impressed. I get her appeal.
To be a global icon, you have to appeal to a wide spectrum of the public (the most obvious statement ever, but hear me out). Miley Cyrus has a weird duplicity that allows teens of all shapes and sizes to be fans. Superficially, Miley puts on a public face of a perfect little innocent pop star. She sings well-constructed pop songs, is open about her piety, and stars on the Disney Channel's most popular television series. Then, however, you have that relatively seedy underbelly. She takes scandalous pictures of herself, challenges people to dance-offs (the dancing, in and of itself, is more shocking than the silly “feuds), and I'm convinced these somewhat controversial actions are meticulously planned. For rebellious teens (well, the quasi-rebellious teens), Miley has planted the seed that maybe she's like you too, and not the goody two-shoes pop star Disney presents her as.
I get it. It makes sense. I will never buy a Miley Cyrus album, listen to one of her songs on purpose, or watch Hannah Montana, but I'm not going to look down upon any of her fans. She's a worthy and talented pop star, which she showed over the course of the Teen Choice broadcast. However, she was a tiny bit upstaged by an act wholly undeserving of the accolades and press given to them. This act is called The Jonas Brothers.
Mysteriously, The Jonas Brothers did not perform during the Teen Choice Awards (the only singing performances were by Mariah Carey and Miley Cyrus). They were featured throughout the show in a segment called “Ask The Jonas Brothers,” where they emerged from below the stage and answered questions submitted via video by fans to MySpace. The questions were stupid (to me, perhaps not to teenagers), but the answers were even worse. The Jonas Brothers were awkward, painfully unfunny, and a veritable vacuum of charisma.
Why the damn screams? Their appeal was lost on me, as were my senses, as any time they emerged from under the stage the crowd erupted into the loudest girl screams I've ever witnessed and probably ever will. They're a relatively new fad, so I can understand the new-ness of their appeal; a year from now, the brothers likely won't receive the same amount of screeching adulation. Or, at least I hope this is the case. Immediately after the show, I called my seventeen year old sister and, desperately needing some perspective, asked her what the deal with the Jonas Brothers was. She responded without hesitation: “I freaking hate the Jonas Brothers.” Well, then. It's younger teenage girls, and ones who enjoy a wholesome product wrapped in pseudo alternative packaging.
Prediction: Miley Cyrus will endure, the Jonas Brothers will not.
The rest of the show was a promotional ode to the hottest people in show business. There were roughly 9,000 categories, and I think Blake Lively won about 1200 of those awards. Clearly, it was all geared towards people a decade younger than me, so judging the quality of the Teen Choice production seems foolish. But, it was a quality experience, if only because it allowed me a window into the popular culture of a teenager, which is something I will never understand.
-Oscar Dahl, BuddyTV Senior Writer
(Image Courtesy of AP)